My Perspectrive - The silent struggle Nov 8, 2019 10:07:17 GMT -5 bellair, joesixpack, and 12 more like this
Post by LookForwardGiveBack on Nov 8, 2019 10:07:17 GMT -5
I used this forum a good bit for hope. Here is where I am at. Maybe it will help.
I was surprised when I first logged my drinks. I'm an honest, hardworking, disciplined person. I know why I hide my drinking from those who love me, but why was I hiding it from myself. My chart log started at 70 drinks per week.
Everyday was the same. It was 3am again and I'm awake and dehydrated. Damn the anxiety... I'll get up, work out, and tonight I won't let this happen again. The audio books for the Naked Mind and The Cure for Alcoholism played on repeat everyday. No one knows, I am struggling. Everyone is counting on me, I can't let them down. I don't want to be a burden. There is no way out. I'm trapped.
Pacing back in forth one day. I was exhausted and furious with myself. I nervously called my family doctor and brought the chapter from The Cure for Alcoholism - Medical Professionals. I didn't want to label myself as anything. I was all over the place at the appointment, but I mustered the strength to tell him that I needed Naltrexone. He didn't understand the method or what I was going to do, but he gave me a prescription.
I downloaded this app and read everything I could. What about the side effects? What if I don't respond? What if....?
Take the pill, wait an hour, drink and don't be so hard on yourself. I cut the pill in half for two weeks while I got used to the new routine.
I made some progress after a few weeks and my drinking would rebound constantly to my old habits. I logged and measured and tried to forgive myself.
Weeks turned into months and I am still on this roller-coaster.
I kept looking at the forum for hope. I would try to drink one less unit of alcohol per week. Anything to move the needle. It felt like eternity.
Until, one day at Week 30 for me. I got off the ride and slept one day without alcohol in my life. I can't remember a day when I didn't drink.
I put one day without alcohol into two and then three.
I haven't had a drink of alcohol for 8 weeks. I've still never told anyone, but I'm telling you today.
To those who silently struggle, and are on the brink of despair; It starts with one phone call, one appointment, one pill and a drink.
It got worse before it got better, but now I am free.
I hope you find your freedom, too.