Thanks for checking in pauline it's been a weird night/day. I had 15 drink last night but it was over the course of 8 hours. That also meant I was up til almost 7 am. I spent the night cleaning and coaching my lazy roommate. Emotionally I'm dealing with a lot of stuff right now.
As far as TSM goes, again, my pace is waaayy down, but quantity is about the same. This has made me realize that what I called 'functional' before, wasn't actually functional. For example, I'm again cooking dinner tonight (trying insta-pot pulled pork sandwiches) and it's my one of my days off. In the past, I would have been waaayy too wasted to accomplish that. I have a full shot glass on my desk that has been sitting there for at least 20 minutes. But I've still had 21 drinks I'm the past 24 hours.. so I'm not where I want to be, but I see that I'm on the path to get there.
Oh! I forgot to mention a breakthrough. In my night-before my day off, I did reach a point where I actually stopped drinking. Granted that was after 15 drinks over 9 hours, but I didn't have any the last 2 hours before bed. Hopefully that number where I say "I'm done" starts dropping.
I've also spent the day thinking about how to approach TSM going forward. I had a heavy drinking session last 2 days since I had a day off. Again, pace is still way down and I had that 'stop' moment two nights ago, so things are happening. But I've been thinking I need to set some goals for myself. My idea is to do one more week just having a drink when I want one. Then the following week set a pacing goal of no more than one per hours since that seems like the area I've made the most progress in already. After a couple weeks of that I'll set a quantity goal (haven't decided if I'll add that goal or just focus on it and stop worrying about the 1/hr thing.). After a few weeks of that, I'll have a goal of one AF day per week. I'm concerned that I'll be forcing things and how I'll react if I don't reach the goals. so I'd like to get people's thoughts? Should I just let nal do the work and continue to try and drink mindfully? Thank you for any advice
Last Edit: Feb 12, 2019 18:48:45 GMT -5 by tokekin
Hi tokekin, I think your goals sound great, but I can offer this: every time I've set goals for TSM I blow right through them, don't hit them, and then feel frustrated. On the other hand, if I just keep going with 100% compliance, I am surprised with frequent mini-victories that I did not plan for or struggle to achieve, and then I feel reassured that the Nal really is working. I'm in week #16, by the way.
I think mindful drinking is the absolute key. If we can somehow slow down each sip, think about whether we truly want it, check in with our bodies on how we feel after each drink, etc... From reading about the people on this forum who have reached extinction, that seems to be their strategy. I'm a little concerned if you try to plot out such specific goals that you may feel defeated if you don't hit them.
pauline that's great feedback, thanks. It's why I've been tossing the idea around in my head and you brought up a lot of my worries. It's good to have people with more experience than me so I know these things, I too am curious about others thoughts and experiences with trying to "push" yourself on TSM.
taz hey! Yeah, last night was a heavy drinking night. Not sure why other than I had both wine and liquor. I still woke up with no hangover. I went to the gym tonight so that was nice, but I feel like the honeymoon period is over. I don't have the overwhelming urge to get home from work as quickly as possible and get wasted as soon as possible, but I conciously still like the feeling of getting drunk and I'm waiting for my the physical side of my habit to catch up to my subconscious one.
Also in terms of my blowout, I had 13 drinks yesterday, but it was still over the course of 7 hours. The problem was towards hour 5-6 I felt that old habit of 'drink whatever you can get your hands on.'. My roommate made a delicious dinner (a trend I'm proud to say I started) and I was cleaning up and putting dishes in the dishwasher. Well, the dishwasher still had room for cups and there was a half full glass of wine on the table (not mine) but I'm not gonna waste perfectly good box wine.. so I drank it just so I could 'wash ALL the dishes'. I'm not sure if that was the lizard or my minor OCD rearing it's ugly head, but it was a mental lapse. My quantity is still ridiculously high, but it's the mental portion I'm most worried/focused on..
Post by runawaytrain on Feb 14, 2019 0:10:33 GMT -5
tokekin, we all go through situations like that! I find it quite interesting that you said you wouldn't "waste perfect box wine," but my question to you is: is there such a thing as "perfect box wine"? Box wine is basically astronaut wine, you drink from a bag...in a box. One time, I tried this exquisite wine from a highly revered steakhouse in Denver and it was sooooooooo good and I honestly was ok not getting drunk because it paired with my steak, mashed potatoes, sauteed mushrooms, etc sooooooooo amazingly that it simply felt like a side! So I only bring that up because maybe going with more high-end wines, you may decrease your alcohol consumption and enjoy it the way that it's meant to be enjoyed.
Looking forward to a future worth remembering! I believe in you too!
runawaytrain perhaps I should rephrase.. I wouldnt "waste perfectly good alcohol" and this is the first time I've experienced that since starting TSM. I'm going for the "take it or leave it" extinction, and last night was counter-productive
Hey tokekin: I’ll bet that piece of the habit will go away soon. The first time I “wasted perfectly good AL” by throwing it down the drain was a true miracle. Now it’s easy to do that. I think that was when I first realized the value of counting the small victories and seeing how they add up. And they DO add up!
rella thanks for the support. That night was just unusual because normally I don't do productive things like cleaning dishes when I'm drinking. It was odd to recognize the behavior as compulsive so there's something..
So I'm once again day drinking on my day off. I just wanted to share that I've already had 2 moments where I reached for a drink and then said "naw, let's wait.". I've still had plenty to drink this morning/afternoon, but those moments where I decide to not have a drink when I would have previously are precious to me. I'm currently baking bread and making eggs and bacon for breakfast 😁
So apparently, I'm gonna use this forum as my diary. I apologize in advance for the drivel that is about to come.. Valentine's day this year is tough for me. My first GF (high school sweethearts) and I reconnected about 3 years ago. She and her 6 year old son moved in with me and we dated for around 2 years. Last year I was setting up candles in the bathroom and making a bubble bath for her. This year, I'm sitting alone at home typing this stupid post, thinking about how she's gonna enjoy her evening with her non-addicted new boyfriend. I'm not sure if it's healthy to keep her in my life, but her I was a big part of her son's life for 2 years, so I'm not stepping away from him. He's a great kid, and his father is...not... My ex actually came over for the breakfast I mentioned earlier, and we stayed on the phone for an hour after she left because we couldn't give up the discussion. I'm sure we both love each other (as in I don't think I'm in denial, but that's what anyone in denial would say..) She didn't break up with me because I was a bad person, mean, boring, or unintelligent. It was simply because she couldn't bear to watch me drink myself to death. She's said that she would consider getting back together after I'm sober for a year, but I think she doesn't require abstinence. Just that I don't come home every night/spend every day off drinking until I'm unintelligible or pass out.
Anyways, no need to respond. It's helped me just to type this out.
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