Thank goodness for joesixpack always reminding us: "A great deal of the work that Nal does happens in the background and it's not something that you would necessarily notice right away."
The challenge is not to take that as a green light and just offload all the responsibility for drink governance over to the Nal, as I have been guilty of doing many times since I started TSM. Good luck, tokekin. Remember 2 steps forward and 1 back still moves you forward.
pauline Soo right! On all fronts! I've found there are 3 voices since starting TSM. Theres the lizard telling me I need this (which has been quieted). There's the subconscious part of my brain telling me to drink because that's what I've done for years (read: habit, and like I mentioned in another post, the scariest). And there's the conscious, but weak part screaming "stop! You don't want to do this any more!!!!!" I hope that eventually the conscious will win out over the other two.
Well my days off went about as I expected. 15, 14, 11. I mentioned this in another thread but I'll elaborate on it here. My quantity levels are obviously not where I want them to be. If fact, the numbers I mentioned are give or take one.
One of the reasons for this is that I've been watching my pacing and found that to be much improved. My process is pour drink, log drink, do something else, drink. Well I've found doing that, that I'll look down and there's a full shot that I think I poured and logged an hour ago, but I'm not sure if I drank it, poured another and forgot to log it (habit.) It's so odd for me to forget about a shot for an hour that sometimes I put it in (maybe again, maybe not) as I assume that there's no way I waited an hour. Anyways I'm proud of my pacing because even though it's about the same quantity, the time I consumed that amount in is about double what it was. It may be time to move not just the bottle but the glass to another room so I need to get up twice to drink. Or switch my logging to when I actually take the drink instead of on the pour.
Another thing that's been bothering me is that there have been a few times I felt my brain say "that's enough," and lizard goes "no! Give me more!" And I'm still listening to the lizard. But I've decided that I'm gonna focus on what's going well, my pacing, the far fewer hangovers, being able to be functional for most of the day (I made dinner the past 2 nights and breakfast yesterday morning.). So I'm revelling in those things and trusting the quantity/listening will get better with time.
Tonight I'm gonna try to force myself to the gym after a haircut and then take my nal afterwards. Don't know if willpower will win out or not.. we shall see!
Post by runawaytrain on Feb 6, 2019 17:45:57 GMT -5
tokekin, that's what I noticed about my drinking too. While I was still consuming the same amount (and even more over the holidays), I was pacing myself more. It's hard for me to pace hard liquor, that's why I've switched to beer and my beer starts to get warm before I'm done with it! Like you said in Taz's thread, find the positives! I knew it was working for me when I started getting excited about cooking again so it's nice to hear from a fellow chef!
Looking forward to a future worth remembering! I believe in you too!
tokekin, I've noticed that as well. Dr. Eskapa says that if you have a craving don't ignore it, but rather take your pill and feed your craving an hour later. But that "no, give me more" is a tough cookie to crack, and I think that's why Claudia recommends not drinking hard liquor.
So I didn't make it to the gym tonight.. had some rough stuff going on with my roommates. The good thing was, I was too busy 'managing' them that I didn't have the time to drink as much. In the past I would have made the time, and gone sprinting back into my room any chance I got, but I just didn't feel that oppressive need, even though it was a stressful situation.
calijohn yea I'm with you, I'm just not sure if it's a hard liquor thing or not right now. I'm still seeing progress (my roommates commented about it tonight) and I may be fooling myself long term. But for now I'm gonna keep doing what I'm doing until I feel like I've hit a wall, then it'll be time to switch. I've switched to beer/wine before in the past and been able to 'control' until one evening when I think "it's time to actually get drunk" so I switch to liquor and...well....here I am. Thanks for the option of FB messenger. I've sent you a greeting
runawaytrain I dunno about chef.. but I do like to cook and am told I'm decent at it. But I think the important bit was "being excited to cook again". During my white knuckled AF periods, I'd be excited to cook, but I may have been using it as a distraction. Eventually I realized that I could cook while i got drunk, and in a few days that would spiral into a disgusting dinner. I'm finally finding that I don't mind running to the grocery after work because I'm not racing home to get that first drink because ...that drink just doesn't matter that much. Progress! Little wins/steps! Much love to you all!
Well I made it to the gym tonight after work!!! It felt good/bad as the first few workouts always do. I'm laying in bed hurting waiting my hour and wondering if I feel like drinking (I took the nal right after my workout, which I know isn't as ideal as just having a nal-free AF day with a workout.) We'll see how the workout endorphins jive with the drinking nal-blocked endorphins. Either way, I delayed my start time by an hour, did something positive and healthy and I've definitely felt the strong urge to get that first drink go down drastically since starting TSM. Just gotta keep working on listening to and believing what my brain/body is telling me instead of the lizard..
Good for you hitting the gym even tho its hard.. you made me laugh tho with your laying in bed hurting.. I remember when I started back running and all I could run was 0.25 miles.. and remembering how hard that was.. now I am back up to 3-4 miles.. but the first mile always seems a bit painful..
You sound mindful tokekin.. proud of you.. and positive attitude makes a huge difference.. keep on truckin my friend!
for the ones who continue, failure becomes impossible. And success becomes inevitable..
So the past 2 days have been pretty good. 8 drinks after my workout but over the course of 7 hours. I woke up earlier than I needed to for work the next day which was an unusual experience for me. Usually I'm in bed til the last possible moment trying to sleep off a hangover.
Last night I had the fewest drinks I've had since starting, actually fewest in a long long time at 5! I was a little time constrained as I got home from work late and had to work early today. I'm still shocked at the "lack of effort" it takes for me to drink less. I try to drink mindfully, but I still take a drink when I want to, it's just o don't want to as often. I'm not thinking 'the goal is to get as drunk as possible as quickly as possible'. I just take a drink when I want one and it turns out I don't want one as much. Like I said in taz thread. I'm hearing that chirp of "you don't need to/want this drink" but I rarely listen. However, last night I was about to get in bed and I felt the "one last shot" thought and I thought back "what's the point, you're just going to sleep anyways."
So I had a stu-piphany tonight. I started measuring my shots in a shot glass 2 days before tsm. I wanted to get an accurate measurement for tracking purposes, so I always poured as close to the brim as possible. Tonight, while pouring my 6th, I only filled it up about 3/4s and was about to drink it when i realized "oh no! Then my drink counts won't be accurate!!!" It was at that moment I realized how stupid I was being. 'i want my graph to be perfectly accurate so therefore I will pour the exact amount I entered in the app.'.
I was worried about the look of my recovery instead of actually recovering. Who cares if I log a full drink and only pour a half. In the grand scheme of things, I'm getting better, I don't need a graph to tell me that. I can feel it in my day to day operations; whether that's my pace, my quantity, how I feel in the mornings, my start time.. the logging is important, but it's not a scientific study. It's better to over-graph than under, but in the end, the important part is the end result. I feel like this should have been obvious all along, hence my stu-piphany.
This really is an interesting thought.. because I too, worry about my chart and logging exactly.. and you are so right... a graph doesn't define anything.. the quality of life we are living does.. thanks for pointing that out...
I was measuring my leftover wine in a measuring cup the next day to get exact totals.. I don't think it should be that stressful.
for the ones who continue, failure becomes impossible. And success becomes inevitable..
I discovered something about the TSM tracking app tonight. If you accidentally swiped to a previous day and add a drink, it will add one at 12:00 am for that day. I went through and deleted about 8 entries that seemed bogus cause I doubt I took a drink exactly at midnight. Just a bug to let everyone know about
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