Hello everybody.. I moved over from the newbie forum & am going to start a progress thread here.. so I can start posting my daily stuff as I hope it will help with my mindfulness and set intention to drink less.. my progress has been spotty so I want to try and help it along. My "new here but not to AUD" thread where I have been posting.
Definitely feeling blue about my progress & have only had one AF day this week which I usually need 4-5 otherwise I start feeling really crappy. Last couple of days have been heavy drinking days.. and wine seems to be an issue. I notice that when I drink beer I get tired of it after about 3 then switch to wine which I can down like no other. Yesterday day was an all day drinking day started at 1pm. I didn't get wasted but drank a lot.. few beers and 2 bottles of wine throughout the day and night.. I am planning AF days for the weekend and usually don't drink during the week when I have to get up early cause its to hard. So I will get some AF days in but then after I do that.. and clear my system out the cycle starts again. I have been having a day where I will only drink one drink very occasionally but its happening so that is a positive note. I just want to never drink heavily again.. I guess that is what everyone wants huh...
I woke up determined that I would not drink and now I am doing the "well maybe just one beer" thing in my mind.. I think I can fight off the craving cause I don't think it really is a craving.. its a habit.. its Friday & the weekend. These are habits that I can change so it doesn't feel like I need to drink just because of the day. Whatever comes up- I love the security of Nal and knowing even if I do chose to drink- I will be safe under the Nal umbrella because I have been solid about being compliant. I am proud of myself for that.
Its been really easy not to drink tonight which is a relief.. gonna hope for AF day tomorrow too.. then during the week its pretty easy for me to stay AF but come Thursday or Friday I usually fold.. the anticipation about what is going to happen is tough.
joesixpack that is the trick of it.. Knowing when you are forcing AF days or genuinely taking them.
I know I needed an AF day and my body is purging the AL as I was sweaty and didn't slept to well. I love waking up free from the grogginess of AL. I think I do force AF days because I like them better than drinking days BUT.. if I took fewer AF days and drank less on drinking days I would like that even better. My one margarita day felt so successful. That has happened a few times since being on Nal but is not consistent YET.
I was implementing mediation into my daily routine and think that could help to start that again.
I decided tonight that I would take my pill and not push for another AF day.. I don't really feel like drinking but the thought is swimming around in my mind as DH mentioned wanting an ice cold beer so we will probably go out to dinner & I don't want to white knuckle it if I feel tempted. Maybe because I am not dying for a drink- maybe I will only have 1 or 2🤞🏻.. been reading alot around the forum and I do think the loom of abstinence has been ingrained into me so I push for AF days instead of letting TSM do its work..
I do feel the meh feeling I have read about.. which is nice. Its nice not gritting my teeth until I can have a drink.. the other nice thing I like about Nal is it seems to be curbing my sweet tooth & appetite..
I also cut my pill into quarters as I have been wondering about the difference between just halving it & quartering.. maybe it will enter my system easier and be more effective.. wishful thinking right!
Thanks Joe... and guess what.. 2 and done.. which is a lot closer to one than 8.. I had 16 oz beer & a glass of wine.. I poured myself another glass & couldn't touch it.. so I poured it back. 👏🏻 I really thought about if I wanted to drink it and I just didn't.. feels pretty dang good.. will be pondering the forced AF days as I think they could be causing me more harm than good. I am wondering if having one or two a night could be a better solution for me right now until I can get to the point where I just don't think about it anymore. My units show 2.6 drinks tho because of the alcohol percentage of my drinks.
I will be quartering my pill for the next few times too.. cause I did so well tonight.
Hello friends.. had a long thanksgiving week and drank more days, 5 to be exact, than I am used to. I had a couple days of 1-2 drinks but then had a few days of binge drinking. I usually don't drink on Sundays but ended up drinking last Sunday and woke up with what I thought was a Nalover but turned out to be a touch of the flu. I think I ran myself down during thanksgiving week with festivities and libations. I am finally feeling better today. Body aches/chills
I struggle a lot during the holidays cause I am not close with my extended family nor my parents so I rely heavily on my immediate family for support. They do an awesome job. But just like most of us here, I went thru some crossroads issues in the past few years with my health & marriage. I happy to say I have pulled myself out of the pool of insecurity & loneliness and actually let people in to support me. Seems like the more I read others progress, the more secure I feel because everyone has stuff.. it almost normalizes things for me and I don't feel so alone. Anyway, I have had 3 AF days so far which is not abnormal for me.. and with being under the weather its really easy for me not to drink. I have a feeling I may make the rest of the week and weekend. Altho DH is gone for the weekend with my youngest so this often leads to at least one night of indulgence. Reading Rella's analogy of habit vs craving makes me realize I drink much out of habit.. its Friday or its Saturday or its wine night at my favorite wine store.. I don't necessarily think I actually crave AL most of time.. its just something that I do. Most of my friends drink so they will invite me for wine... so I use it as a connection but tend to bring it home with me after I have a glass or two with them. I am really strict about drinking and driving as I should be. So I have no more than 2-3 drinks while out for a couple hours then I will bring AL home with me and that's where I get carried away usually. But I have been having the one or two and done sessions lately which makes me extremely happy. I am hoping for more of those.
I will share that on Sunday I barfed up a bunch of intoxicated emotions to DH as we struggled in past years with marital issues.. I don't like to dive into them here yet. Funny how hard it is to share those things.
Hope all are doing well.. my chart looks all over the place so I guess I won't post it. Looking forward to when I see a steady decline instead of the extreme lows and then right back up to high.
joesixpack hope you don't mind I added this to my progress.. I want to be able to read it more than once. And I wanted the link to the Lone Ranger syndrome.
joesixpack Avatar Nov 26, 2018 9:33:09 GMT -8 joesixpack said: The nature of AUD for us is that alcohol hijacks the Reward System and creates synapses in the part of the brain that compels us to pursue pleasure, as the neurons and synapses there tell us that alcohol=pleasure. "Normal" drinkers don't have this problem, we just have an outsized response to the endorphins from drinking. That response starts a neurochemical cascade that ends up as elevated dopamine levels in the Reward System. As it's an unconscious part of the brain:
1. You really don't feel the addiction building. You see the outward results, but the part of the Reward System involved doesn't have any "feelings" per se.
2. It speaks a different language really doesn't communicate well with the conscious part of the brain and doesn't have the "wiring" for rational thought.
So we go along happily, slowly building this beast inside us, one that is untouched by any rational concern that we might be going down the wrong road (whether it's our own concern or the concern of others).
Now, there might also be a different aspect to the Lone Ranger Syndrome and that is that the Lone Ranger only showed up during emergencies. No Emergency = Nothing to do? An insensitivity to stuff we need to handle for our own good? If it's not up in our face, it's not personally important?
Hi taz: Sorry you’ve got the ‘thing’ that’s going around. Hopefully you get over it soon. I had a cold (or something) that stuck around too long. Try to take care of yourself!
I agree with you about habit. I have a part of myself that answers the question, “Why do I want to drink right now?” with, “Because that’s what you do.” As if that’s logical. Go figure. And then there’s the part that sometimes thinks I deserve a drink or have a right to _____ (fill in the blank), even though it’s destructive. With TSM I think we’re becoming aware of all these messages - what a gift. Not easy, though, huh?
Having sessions of 1-2 drinks sounds good to me. For some reason I’m stuck at 3-3.5 drinks per session. Which doesn’t feel good because it really hurts my sleep. So that’s my next challenge. (I’ve also been known to drink like a lady while out with friends and then slam a few down when I get home.) Feel better!
Thanks rella - I did take good care of myself and am feeling much better.. now the comtemplation whether to drink tonight or not is looming.. like you said the the habit is more what is enticing me.. I deserve a drink because its Friday, because I didn't drink all week, because DH isn't here, because I want one.. but what is stopping me is I don't want to feel like crap in the morning.. or take a chance of feeling crap. I have waited longer than usual to take Nal which is good..
I think 3-3.5 is great per session.. I have one very occasional 1-2 drink session and the rest are off mostly off the rails altho I have had a few 4-6 sessions too.. sometimes its hard for me to let TSM do its work and not force AF days.. I keep thinking I "could" have an AF week.. where my chart doesn't move at all.. I wonder what is behind this? I will probably take my Nal tonight and shoot for 1-2 drink session tonight 🤞🏻I would rather do something like and hope my mind learns than starve it out and have it binge... I hear you on the sleep too.. that is one reason why I am reluctant to drink too.. but I don't sleep the best even when I don't drink but I wonder if its because the AL is getting out of my system.. and your drink like a lady while out & slam a few when home is my mojo.. thanks for checking in on me!
Let me know how you are doing.💜
I decided to take my Nal to be always be and stay compliant.. sometimes I think what if I take my pill then don't end up wanting to drink.. I have read you should at least have one..
I think if you take a Nal and don’t drink once in a very long while it’s OK. But making a habit of that will confuse things. Just my 2 cents. I haven’t done that yet but am curious what it’d do to my sleep and how I’d feel the next day. I’m so acutely aware of how rotten I feel these days when I Nal + drink.
Binge drinking has gotta be rough. I’ve been a daily boring plod along drinker with peaks and valleys; AF days are a novelty to me. And a joy. I think you’re incredibly smart to take the pill when you feel it coming. And we’re all incredibly brave and brilliant to be sorting through the habit vs craving thing. Glad you’re feeling better!!
Rella you are such a big sweetie pie.. thanks for your 2 cents.. it matters. I wish I was more of a boring plod along drinker.. but I am not.. its all or nothing for the most part with me.. dang it. Thanks for the kind words of encourage.. nice to hear.
I certainly did not "not" drink.. had a binge session of 8 units, funny how delusional I was before TSM about how much I was drinking.. because I only poured myself 6 drinks which I would have counted as 6 but with TSM app and because of the AL content and size.. truly I am drinking 8... and I am not that hungover.. just foggy.. had to work a little this morn so I had to put my big girl panties on and perservere..
I just took another pill as I figure I will drink today again. I wish I could have a one and done session.. but.. it is what it is.. and I will just keep trying. Its nice to not associate shame with my drinking anymore.. just let it be what it is.
We are all BRAVE and BRILLIANT to be sorting this out.. what an inspiring thing to say!!
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