Post by dawgdrinker on Jul 26, 2018 14:23:30 GMT -5
Hey y'all! Wanted to finally start a progress thread. My background is I'm a daily drinker around 70-80 units per week. I've been off and on TSM dating back to 2011. My longest 100% compliant time was about 26 weeks in which I saw up and down improvement in units per week. My most recent experience was around April (chart attached). Week 5 is not a fluke, I actually dropped to 17 units that week from having mostly AF days. I had gone years without an AF day and was able to go a week AF thanks to TSM. Unfortunately I quit shortly after that.
I'll try to hop on and give an update with my progress. Yesterday was my first Nal dosage. I'm hoping keeping an online progress journal may keep me from getting in my head and just quitting like I have in the past.
I do have one question though. Seeing as how I've read the book, been to the forums, tried it out and even seen progress, I clearly have something broken in the way that I think about TSM.
What is it that keeps you anchored to staying compliant? What do you say to yourself when that thought emerges about quitting? Do you have a saying, analogy or other mental model or do you just remember how bad life used to be?
Hi dawgdrinker. I've hesitated to reply, being only about 6 weeks into my NAL journey. I did spend a few weeks at the beginning that I don't count where I was on and off compliant, and I wrestled with staying compliant. I guess my question to you is, what are the thoughts that go through your head when you stop being compliant? That is one fabulous chart, and I'm curious what you told yourself when you stopped taking the NAL after so much success.
For me, I keep a set of links right in the same place I have the link to this forum and about half the links lead to details about the health consequences of drinking and about half lead to details about how the body changes and heals as drinking lessens. I also have been keeping a journal since starting the effort seriously so I can look back and see how hard I've worked to get to where I am. And I make a point of practicing something the very wise joesixpack speaks about on several threads: focusing on what NAL has already given me back that I'd lost: self respect, a good night's sleep (oh my God that's a gift), a head that is not full of thoughts about drinking all the time, pleasure in simple things where that had been numb. When I think of losing all that, the decision to take the pill becomes pretty clear. But I have not been at it as long as you, so who knows what challenges there are to come.
I guess my question to you is, what are the thoughts that go through your head when you stop being compliant?
Thanks for the reply lillybet!
To answer your question it boils down to one of three things, none of which I defend or assume rational but still are my struggle.
I can't stand these SE's (usually an excuse early on)
I miss the buzz
As a daily drinker and particularly after months into TSM, I worry that I have this deadening effect on my mind. Like I'm always numb to life not just in the evenings when I take the pill, but that there's a carryover the next day
As to 1 & 2, I usually get past those. SE's usually go away after 2 weeks, and I've actually kept a journal for the past few weeks noting how I've felt on and off Nal and am shocked at how overblown romanticizing the buzz is. In fact, most of the time Nal has helped me to slow down and I've reported enjoying those evenings more than without. Not what I expected, but again it's why I'm so interested in examining my unexamined beliefs.
The third is the one I'm hung up on and what I really think stands between me and success. It could all be in my head. It could be that my TSM times that I was successful that lasted over a month where all using Nal from India (which in my experience has much worse side effects). I was so relieved to have so many AF days back in May because I was feeling life again. Like feeling the morning in a new way I haven't in years. I guess I was afraid to go back to Nal because of that third thought and that's why I quit.
Is that voice real, or is it my lizard brain in rebellion? Is it a small factor but worth the great benefit of being free, getting good sleep, not waking up hungover, and not having the unending rumination over alcohol. Or is it evil Nal from overseas and I have nothing to worry about.
I'm open to advice. Now two days in compliant and have no complaints. Seeing the same slowing down effect I have in the past and units are down about 20%. Only on a 1/4 pill which I like to do for the first 4-5 days before ramping up to a 1/2 then full dose.
Dawgdrinker - Loved your comment "how overblown romanticizing the buzz is". I think that romanticizing really is the lizard brain at work, but I don't think it's necessarily reptilian to not want to feel "numb to life." Do you have to use the NAL from India?
Hey Dawg, as a repeat customer too (thanks for checking out my newbie post) I have a lot of thoughts about why it didn't work for me before, and why I KNOW it will work for me now, and already is working. The difference, action- point-wise, is compliance. You must commit to taking this pill 1 hour before drinking, for the rest of your life. And let whatever else happens, happen.
Getting to compliance is not so simple! It took me about 5-6 years of sorting through so much confusion, self-hatred and blame, and yes, romanticizing alcohol and drinking. Well, what else can we do with that abuser if we can't seem to leave him/her/it? But for me it finally boiled down to, I am addicted to alcohol and have been for probably 30 years. And I hate it. I don't know what living without addiction is but anything is better than having my brain feeling like its constantly rubbing up against sandpaper, day in and day out. I'd rather be bored out of my gourd, the most low-achieving jerk on the planet, and live my life out in deepest obscurity than to be a slave to drinking anymore. (Some phantom fears of sobriety there I guess.)
There is a way out! We have it! Take it at your own speed my friend. You are ok, there is nothing wrong with you or response to naltrexone. Just keep compliant even if it's hard.
Welcome back, dawgdrinker. Post often, we'll be here looking out for you. Compliance, compliance, compliance. It's just a numbers game...if we keep following the rules of TSM, we'll get more and more successful days racked up and pretty soon will be out of the woods. We can do it!
I took 12.5mg last night, and it was rough. My usual experience with Nal is that after waiting my hour I'm a little irritable, and the first few drinks will make me feel better, not great, just better. Eventually I get into the 'meh' stage and then quit. Last night after my first drink I felt bad. Like really bad. I made what may have been an unwise choice and tried to drink more in order to make the bad go away. Eventually I drank a little more than my typical amount and went to bed.
This morning I called in sick I felt so awful. Finally made it into work around 1PM, and am second guessing myself.
Post by runawaytrain on Feb 12, 2019 19:56:22 GMT -5
I drink more when I don't feel well too, I convince myself that drinking more means that I won't care that I feel bad. I'm sorry you felt so awful! Congrats on making it to work after all, when I would call out sick, I'd start day drinking.
Looking forward to a future worth remembering! I believe in you too!
Hey dawg! Did you eat with the nal and rink lots of water?I was ill this week after drinking and taking nal but didn't eat with it or drink water. I am on my third attempt with nal and determined to stick with it and work through the side effects. I take travel sickness pills when the nausea is bad and have ginger to hand, plus live yoghurt. those really help. Hope you are doing ok.
dawgdrinker it takes a hot second to get used to the Nal.. when I first started out I felt the same way and would drink over the Nal in order to extinguish that feeling.. those SE's should dissipate soon enough.. hang in there...
for the ones who continue, failure becomes impossible. And success becomes inevitable..
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